Death of Husband - Dying from a Broken Heart

by NIKKI
(MILLSBORO, DEL)

IN DEC 2010 MY BEST FRIEND, FIANCE, LOVE OF MY LIFE AND FATHER OF MY TWO KIDS WAS KILLED IN A BIKE ACCIDENT.

HE WAS PRONOUNCED DEAD A DAY BEFORE HIS 29TH BIRTHDAY. WE JUST HAD A NEWBORN SON A WEEK BEFORE HIS DEATH. I FEEL LIKE PART OF ME DIED WITH HIM OUT ON THAT STREET.

EVERYTIME I LOOK AT MY KIDS MY HURT HURTS ESPECIALLY THE FACT THAT MY SON WILL NEVER KNOW HIS FATHER.

MY DAUGHTER TALKS TO HIM AND TELLS ME THAT DADDY IS TELLING HER TO BE STRONG FOR ME. I STRUGGLE EVERY DAY TRYING TO LIVE LIFE WITHOUT HIM, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HIM?

WHY OUR KIDS?

I GREW UP WITH LOSING MY MOM AND I NEVER WANTED MY KIDS TO GROW UP WITHOUT A PARENT. I JUST WISH I COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE THINGS BECAUSE OUR RELATIONSHIP WASN'T AS GREAT AS IT COULD'VE BEEN, BUT I THOUGHT WE HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THINGS BETTER :(

Death of Husband Response:

Nikki,

Take solace in the fact that your fiance is looking down upon you and is in your heart. He's obviously in the heart of your daughter and she'll always have that to take forward in her life.

Together, you and your children will make it through this time...

a woman with a broken heart

by michelle
(miami fl,dade county)

Feb 11,2010 at 1:03am has been by far the worst day of my whole life,my fiancé was shot n killed on an attempt 2 rob him.

I have been dealing with life n death n trying 2 figure out what my purpose 2 life is and how to live without my soul mate,as u can imagine myself n his family are destroyed n just don't understand why

the only thing I want 2 do is be with him there 247 at the cemetery ,its so relaxing n peaceful there 2 me its almost as if I belong there...as everyone knows how hard is it 2 find someone 2 share your whole life with that actually sees through your eyes and makes u feel like u n him are the only people in the world

well that's what me n him had,we never fought or disrespected each other,it was a pretty perfect relationship,that's why this has been so hard for me 2 stomach,its a forever pain that never goes away,NEVER....

myself and his family buried him on feb 14 on valentines day as u all know what day that is,sucks,my valentines day from this day forward will be spent in a cemetery....

I am still in shock n lose it from time 2 time,I cry everyday asking myself what if what if what if.....wishing I could turn back the hands of time or at least be with him wherever he is now...my life sucks....:(

Death of Husband - My Darling Gone for One Year...Does it Get Better?

by Alika
(New Zealand)

It's been a year now since I lost my husband, lover, friend and soul mate.

The journey for everyone is different but this is mine...

Our children were grown and independent with families of their own so I had no one who depended on me, no one who really needed me, no one to 'share' with.

I went through all the different phases....

Shock - not being able to function,unable to make the smallest decision, just plain lost.

Anger - at god, at everything and yes even my darling for leaving me even though he had no choice.

Grief - oh what a black and dark place that was, I could so easily have given up many times and joined him. I grieved for him, for myself for all the things he wouldn't experience.

I practically lived at the cemetery. All the "firsts' were the hardest, the first father's day, first birthday, first Xmas, first anniversary, and so it went on.

Losing patience with people - people would be talking to me and I would be having a whole separate conversation in my head.

'How are you doing?' they would ask and I would say 'Yeah, fine thanks' but I was really thinking - you don't really want to know, if I told you then you would run away!

'You're looking well'...yeah right!

I'm looking well therefore I must be finished grieving, geez you're a moron! You're young, you'll find someone else....ooh, I just loved that one, I best not repeat what was going through my head in response to that!

Cockiness - Where I thought 'no more', I refuse to cry anymore, I refuse to grieve anymore, I'm going to get on with life! Never lasted long though and I was back immersed in my grief.

On the run - Always on the move, filling my time with anything and everything. Off every weekend to do anything that was on offer.

Trip North...yes, I'm coming! Party....yes, I'll be there! Going shopping...yes, wait for me!

Never home, just continually on the move. The outcome was that I became exhausted and the grief ended up catching up with me anyway. I worked out it was better to stay still and just deal with the feelings that came.

Trying to fill the void - Yes, shopping till I was broke. Yes, eating till I burst. Yes, drinking till I passed out. Yes, even gave marijuana a go.

Didn't take too long to work out that this didn't work, though, in fact it made it all worse.

The continual search - and through it all there was always the 'searching'. Looking in peoples faces to see if I could see a hint of my darling.

Watching the stray cat, wondering if this was a message. Seeing a bird in a tree singing, could that be him? Feeling a breeze on my face, is this from him? Lying next to him in the cemetery, thinking I could feel him there. Always searching and hoping.

Trying to work out who I am - who am I? I'm married but my husband is not with me. I'm single, but I don't feel like I am. I knew who I was before but I don't know who I am now. Panic attacks, insecurity, no confidence...lost.

One year on and.....

Does it ever go away?.....NO, not really. Maybe though, it gets a little easier and emotions get a little less fierce and memories make me smile a little now instead of making me want to take to my bed.

Have I found out who I am?....NO, not really but I learn something new about myself everyday and get a little stronger and I'm starting to do the things that I like to do. I guess I've finally given myself permission to start maybe enjoying life a little.

Have I accepted...NO, not fully. Every now and again I still hope that some miracle might happen and I'll bump into a reincarnation or something of my honey. My head tells me he's gone for good but my heart still hopes I guess.

What helps?...my children, my grandchildren, my family, my friends. Yes...my real friends.

Will I survive?...One year ago and maybe as recent as two months ago I would have said NO but now I can positively say YES! I know I will, but notice I only say survive....I think I have a longer journey to take before I can say absolutely...I choose to live! I'm looking forward to that time.

Lastly....to my darling. I have loved you more than life itself and I continue to love you more than life itself.

We were supposed to grow old together but here I am at 49 years of age without you but I am so so so thankful for the 27 years we did have together and I cherish each and every memory...not just the good stuff either.

I am honoured to have been your partner and wife and the mother of our children and grandmother to their children.

I am honoured that you chose me to be your partner and wife and I know you will watch over us forever.

I know you would want me to continue to live and I will try to do that for you and for myself but I look forward to the day we are reunited forever, whenever that may be. One sweet day my love, one sweet day....

I lost two guys but I also gained two angels

by Olivia Kate
(Mauritius)

My boyfriend and one of my good friends died the same day, by cause of drowning.

I was with them when this happened, I tried saving them but the waves were just too strong compared to me.

The day started normally, I was happy to go to the beach with my boyfriend, as it was the first time.

I was the very last person to see them both. I've never really lost people that close to me so it's a new feeling and the worst feeling I've ever felt before.

Yet sometimes I am happy I had the chance to meet him even if he's gone now , I know that his light will forever shine down upon me.

His name's David, I miss him everyday since the last time I've seen him on the 20th of February. He is always with me wherever I go, same for Tony, my friend. How I wish they were still there yet I know we can't change our past.

Being with David, was the only time I've ever been happy. Everyone had noticed it, that the time I was with him, I had become a totally different person. More happy, and less depressed. I never thought I'd lose him that early and he was only 19, just like Tony.

But somewhere, I know we'll meet again the three of us and as my title says I may have lost two exceptional guys but I also gained two angels who will always protect me

Rest In Peace Dav and Pow

I lost my best friend, my one true love, my soul-mate

by Tracie
(Minnesota)

I am 21 years old and Tuesday morning, January 4th, 2011, I woke up to get ready for work...just like any other morning.

I got in the shower at about 7:00 am.

I looked at the clock when I got out and panicked because I was afraid that I would be late for work.

I hurried to pick out some clothes, then turned the hall light on. At this time, I made the horrific discovery of my boyfriend hanging in the closet...

He was my best friend in the whole world. He had been by my side every single day for the last 5 years...he did everything for me.

I haven't been able to sleep or eat or anything...just cry. I can't get the image of him out of my head.

Everyone tells me not to blame myself or feel guilty for anything, but...I just can't help but wonder "What If?" If only I had gotten out of bed that night when he got home and comforted him...he'd still be here.

I would give anything just to hear his voice again, just to hear him say that he loves me...to hold his warm body against mine again and his soft lips pressed against mine...

We were supposed to be planning our future together...I'm 21 years old...I'm not supposed to be planning his funeral...

I've been surrounded by the people of my community, but I still feel so alone...

Finding the Words
Rest in Peace Love

by Unknown

On December 22, 2010 my ex who was also my best friend was shot and killed by a guy who was once his friend.

The fact that our last conversation was a argument really gets to me everyday.

I have faith that this is a life lesson and God will help me through it. He was only 19.

Today, my sister's good friend was shot and killed by her boyfriend and he then killed himself outside the daycare she dropped her children off at.

Now I'm looking for the words to help their families and children the same as they did for me a few months ago.

God will never give you more than you can handle and remember everyone has their story. Embrace what you have and never take for granted the love someone has for you.

Say what you want to say when you have a chance.

The death of my husband

My husband recently passed away in a very tragic accident, leaving behind 2 children and I his wife.

I'm so lost and really don't know how to start living my life without him.

I have faith in god and so do my kids, but it sure doesn't take away all this pain of him no longer being here.

For me knowing how he died I may never have all the peace I need. This only happened 3 weeks ago and I have only begun to grieve.

death of my husband

by jenny
(pa)

I totally have faith in god and i know he is getting me thru this!!!!!

It just does not take away this constant sadness that i feel everyday.

For me now its about learning to live without my husband and that just scares me to death.

Not for any other reason than wanting him in my life.

His death has forever changed my life cause part of me died too!!!!!

my sweet memories

HI i'm very glad to join the community.

i recently completed my BTECH.and very recently on june 30 2010 i lost my loved one in an accident.

our love is strange during my BTECH 1ST YEAR HE COME ACROSS ME THROUGH A wrong msg then we both become frinds and our love started within months

then after completing btech i got a job at kakinada the day i joined that was the day i losst my dear.

then i left my job i cried continuously but you know when he was alive he made me promise that i must live when he was not alive.

this make me strong and his ambition to establish an orphanage now i'm there to fullfil his ambition.

physically he is not there but he is alive in my heart and i want to start and trust in his name. i'm just 21 yrs old and he touched my heart.

so plz do good in the name of ur loved one. he is so precious to me. we struggled a lot to keep on our love.